Myself

I fed myself today I listened to my body And became its friend I bathed myself today I caressed my body And made it smell like roses To make it feel special The hardest thing I had to do was love myself when I hated my body I still do hate my body For it did not defend me Against him It did not right and tell but still I nursed my body to health I ate when I wanted to throw up My body is a holy temple It’s beauty in it’s curves It’s nature in the hair it’s grows From the fullness of my breasts to the small curve in my foot My body is powerful My body is loved My body is soft My body is full of decorations Today I became my body’s best friend Not to harm it but to fight for it To hold its hand And kiss its tears To not allow boys to play with my heart but for men to admire it Today I promised myself I won’t harm you I won’t kill you I will fill you up with knowledge and strength your muscles I will love you

Mommy

Mommy I hear you I can hear your cries I can feel your heart Mommy he touched me a simple sentence that changed your whole life Someone once told you his bad news for her you didn’t want to believe it now you live with the guilt Guilt is worse than regret and now my body is my enemy something I can’t forget My hands in fists trying to get rid of this anger that sticks to me like glue Mommy he wouldn’t leave me mommy why wouldn’t he leave me His erection still in my mind his touch still electrifying Mommy I was a baby barely a kid now I am over reacting nobody believes me cause society always said why didn’t you say no Mommy my poetry my words they are not good but they are the only thing that keeps me going Mommy I dream of him entering my body of him never leaving me alone his imprint still fresh in my mind..why won’t he leave me alone Mommy I froze I just laughed as if it was a big joke because it had to be right? This couldn’t happen to me and no my daddy would protect me Too bad the wolf in sheep clothing was closer than we think Mommy my body is not my own I hate it with a passion ” don’t look at me you are not invited ” they would say to me in front of a crowd teasing me “Look at that smile” they would laugh I thought it was a compliment guess my mind was always grey Nobody sees my struggle biggest fear is never finding love or finding love and not being good enough Cause all my life I was damaged goods always a fighter with no strength is that anything new? Bi polar is strange it makes me paranoid and hatred The darkest twisted side of me I am just a little kid Wanting someone to hold me

He is she is

He is her demon she is his Angel of darkness He is her devil yet she plays with ghosts He is her slave yet she is a queen He is her knight yet she is a warrior He is a mirror she is his truth He is her beating heart she has none to lose He is her art she is his design He is her words she is his writing He is her rose she is his sunflower He is her darkness she is his light He is her flag of purity she is his playground of fun He is her plant that she waters she is his growing ivy He is her joker she is his bat man

Maybe the way you lie wont matter in three years

Maybe the way you smell wont send me back to the place where your lips first touched mine

Maybe the way we fight won’t remind me of storms that destroy yet in some way is a beautiful disaster

Maybe the beat of your heart as i lie on your chest i will forget

Maybe i wont breath you in so much

Maybe i wont pray for you as much

Maybe i wont keep these tears from falling down my face as my heart breaks and i realise i will always be alone

Maybe i will stop lying to myself and realise i am still inlove with you

To i say hi

To emptiness i say hi

To good bye i say hello

Sucidial thoughts

Not brave enough to commit

Loneliness haunt me

Nobody understands me

Struck alone in this kinda hell

Wondering who are you

Darkness is my best friend

The only one who has never left me

Beauty is pain

Maybe that why i scar my body

A smile on my face

Fake it till you make it

Maybe that why emptiness describes the void in my heart

Hate you but love you

I hate you I love you Every time I look around it’s you and me us against the world just like You and me I have always been sensitive you have always been my rock You always held me when I cried now I am crying and you gone forever and always how do I accept that you died yet you living happier now than I have ever seen you You played around with my head but I paint you out to be a hero that’s dead My poetry isn’t the best yet here I am writing about times better than you and me Shy face you know me guess you will never see this I adored you expected you to fight for me may be it was silly of me to leave you alone but how could I fight for you when everyone hated me The whispers were always around “she is not good for you open your eyes” You would lie and say they fine but I know how your mom watched me Still my 90+ plus baby guess I shouldn’t call you that shit I guess I am still in habit Nobody was you I messed around looking for people to repair my heart when all I wanted was you I am so alone sometimes the ones you love the most are the ones who leave you the most It’s funny I used to nickname you my husband my best friend stupid I see it now but baby if I could say anything to you I would tell you I am so happy for you she makes you smile brighter My heart still tightens at the thought of you with her But I am all alone now alone in the darkness I stopped fighting I embrace my loneliness but some nights I wonder how can I move on when I am still in love with you

Give me

Pink in the sky

Darkness in my heart

My soul cries out

Father more

Guitar playing softly

Angels protection

Only 13 years old

Already dead

Plants grow

Give me seeds not dying rows

Give me thread and i will thread souls together

Give me bread and i will give you hope

Give me a vote and i will make a storm

Give me a fight and i will make war

Give me a tale and i will show you a hero

I am woman i am powerful i am a storm i am a dress filled with hope i am a warrior with a voice i am the one who plays guitar and leads her son home

I may not love myself yet but every day i want to know myself even more

Dreams

I see you in my dreams only place to reach you 

I called you no answer guess it’s the same as when we were together you always hated phone calls I wonder if she knows that

I tired saying sorry but it don’t matter any more 

Those big Brown eyes and smile always got me once around

My smart little baby I wanted to say but guess I can’t call you that any more 

Nobody understands they make it out as if it’s easy to forget you it isn’t

My first love my first everything you struck around through everything

You loved me when everybody said I am ugly and when I got pretty you left me guess looks were never a thing for you

I look at the sky and I dream about you 

In my dreams we always happy and you want to be my friend guess after all I want is to have a friend

Your parents hated me can’t say I blamed them

You are one of those guys that you lose when you young but come back to when you wiser

Your family couldn’t stand me again I don’t blame them

You said there was no commitment but I was already planning our future

Dreams of you makes my tummy sick I starve myself so I don’t have to eat 

Dreams of you voices in music only place I can hear your voice 

Now I gotta fake it and be happy and party it all away like I don’t care about you when in reality all I care about is you

To my unborn child

To my unborn child 

You make my heart beat 

Just the thought of you

You are going to be so beautiful

I want to protect you from this evil world 

I want you to know no matter what girl comes into your heart you will always be mine 

I want you to know those big blue eyes of yours you got them from mine and the way you wrinkle your nose your dad does that too

Your small hands and cries for me warms my heart cause you need me and nobody ever needed me before 

 the marks on my thighs and tummy from carrying you is a blessing baba you are mine you aren’t even formed but I know you I can’t wait to see how your personality grows and how the light in your eyes are shown when you talk about the girl you fell in love with

I want you to know no matter what happens I love you so so much

I sing to you while you in my belly and I will sing to you when you cry

I was so scared because I wasn’t worthy of such a beautiful creation that God gave me

The way you fall and learn how to walk teaches me how to learn and be happy when I make mistakes 

The way you cry for me shows me that I need to cry for help when I can’t do it any more

Your mommy has a story of cuts on her arms and blood and tears in a combination 

She wanted to die once never thought she would see the day that she would have a living soul inside of her 

People hate her because she is so young but you know my beauty you are everything I want I will never forsake you I will never hate you all that I feel for you is pure love and baby when you cry and you are so alone remember that mommy loves you when you feel like nobody cares mommy does mommy will protect you with every been inside of her 

Mommy will cut her skin open just to give you life

Mommy will pray for you mommy will give you over to God just so you can see how much someone cares 

To my unborn baby your heart beats with mine you eat from my tummy you are so beautiful my baby you are so so amazing and you not even born and I know you will be a success 

When you cry yourself to sleep and say I want to die it breaks my heart because all I ever wanted was you and now you want to leave I will never hate you I want you to be happy even if it means breaking my soul for you

I want you to find love and experience life beauty cause baby life is so beautiful now that you are here 

Beautiful means passion it means art it means earth it means fire it means water that is such a blessing when you have it 

Your name aiden I thought about for 6 months your dad laughed and said what aiden like a aiden could throw a ball but I know you my baby you gonna be the greatest at anything you do

You are art you are breath taking you are loved my baby you are worthy 

You are mine

Mirror

She looks at the mirror

Cries and smiles at the same time wondering when will she leave

Her mother doesn’t trust her her father loves her too much

And her granny is never pleased

Puts on a mask

Are you happy now

Happiness costs a thing

Your heart isn’t what it seems

Blue eyes you see into the soul

Sad mouth you kiss it better like you could actually tell

Boy what are you about

What is your head

Do you have brains or just another dick

I feel alone so I play guitar

I ignore what I can’t hide

Like hide and seek isn’t always a tell

Ignorance is your crown

Look at the mirror

Your shine gone

The glitter in your eyes hidden away

Brilliance in a tortured mind

Kiss of breath

Kiss of life

Your story is endless

Just another dream