To my mom

To my mom words never spoken

When you cough and can’t breath it scares me

When you say you love him

I know you lying

When you smile because of him

I know you in love

Words I will never say

But mommy I want you to live before you die

Mommy I want you to put yourself first for once 

Mommy I want you to have faith in me like you always did when I was a child

Mommy I want your life to make you happy 

Mommy I am scared you die 

Because what would I do without you?

How would I continue knowing my best friend is dead

How would I continue when my heart is shattered in pieces and I am alone all alone with my demons in my head

Every time you cough my brain shuts down and my heart stops and says no please Lord please save her 

Every time you pay for my tablets I feel so guilty I leave cause I can’t keep the guilt because some How I blame myself for being mind sick

Tell him you love him tell him you want someone else 

Every time I can’t sleep cause I know your secrets and it tears me up inside

Mommy words I couldn’t say to you I say in this poem weak I know but somehow mommy I want you to know I can make you proud I can I will mommy just hope in me

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