To my mom

To my mom words never spoken

When you cough and can’t breath it scares me

When you say you love him

I know you lying

When you smile because of him

I know you in love

Words I will never say

But mommy I want you to live before you die

Mommy I want you to put yourself first for once 

Mommy I want you to have faith in me like you always did when I was a child

Mommy I want your life to make you happy 

Mommy I am scared you die 

Because what would I do without you?

How would I continue knowing my best friend is dead

How would I continue when my heart is shattered in pieces and I am alone all alone with my demons in my head

Every time you cough my brain shuts down and my heart stops and says no please Lord please save her 

Every time you pay for my tablets I feel so guilty I leave cause I can’t keep the guilt because some How I blame myself for being mind sick

Tell him you love him tell him you want someone else 

Every time I can’t sleep cause I know your secrets and it tears me up inside

Mommy words I couldn’t say to you I say in this poem weak I know but somehow mommy I want you to know I can make you proud I can I will mommy just hope in me

Red haired girl

Many times I am tempted to talk to you

Many times I just wanna say hi but it always ends up in good bye

My red haired girl I gotta say bye 

12 years of friendship now it’s done 

I can’t say I love you

I can’t make excuses for you any more

I can’t hug you and cry with you and imagine our weddings together any more

It’s easy for you to forget

Till you need me

But dear red haired girl 

Know you always in my heart

But I gotta say bye to you like a bleeding wound

It will never close when you the toxic killing me inside

It will never be done when you breath I can’t

She says

She says to the woods

Where is my mother 

Why has she not protected me

She says to the wind

Where is my emotions

They all disappeared ran away and never left her alone

She says to the sky

Bleed like I am bleeding right now

She says to her dying wish

Why did he touch me

Why did he continue

She says to the cake her friends made

Please keep them yet you took one away

She says to the issues she blocks out

No heart no pain

She changes her hair to change her heart

She switches back and forth waves hitting her

Smoke around her she controls her breathing

Before she goes down and drowns herself in her demons

Words spoken from Aphrodite 

Brown eyed girl

You dance around

You attract fire flies 

Like the sky around

Don’t you know 

They love your hips

They love the way your skin clings to your bones

They love the breasts that give life 

They love your inner most

Little boys don’t handle you

They can’t don’t you see

Your soul is too much fire

Your body is too soft to caress

Flower girl with the big eyes and bigger heart

You swirl around

Like you waiting for love

You attract so many

Yet you single in love?

Little girl with a big dream in her heart 

You are the definition of beauty

You are the words Aphrodite describes when she talks about power

Your heart no man can hold

You fly out like a bird with wings

You need to be celebrated you are a walking goddess 

You are Aphrodite 

You are queen 

You a beauty in a swirl universe 

You are me

Rain

She was like rain

Her words flew in like her heart

She was like thunder

Hard and loud but so full of personality

She was like a star

Burning herself away to give light to others

She was like the moon

Giving breath of life so others could live while she died

She was like water 

Scare but everybody takes advantage

She was like fire

Hot enough to burn but just waiting for someone to tame her flames

She was like a sunflower 

Coming out to play but still hiding away

She was like the rain

A blessing just wanting to be accepted to be learned to be loved 

She was magnificent 

She was beauty

She is fire 

Strong unmoving and will burn in her awake

Love

Her love for him

Shields her from the rain

She holds onto him

Her best friend 

Scared with thunder rolling she makes him brave

The rain pours but she safe in his heart

Four pawed love 

He protects her from

The monsters under her bed

The shack is falling

There it goes

Leaving them defenceless

And in the cold

But still their love for each other holds them warm

Barrier 

Age is just a barrier that shields our mind 

Memory is just a barrier that shields our soul

Heart break heart felt into the mind it goes

Rape and sex feels into the soul

Mean words wrapped around like a second skin

Rain going over my wounds like salt on a burn

A barrier that seals our minds off from the pain

A barrier that makes no sense but in your heart you know it’s true 

When he touched me it was like a burn that continues through my whole body 

Like a scar that never leaves 

When he wrapped me in his words he never let go instead his words spread like a snake bite 

A barrier that covers my soul and keeps those memories hidden till 17 and had to uncover them

Rape is just another word something people don’t take seriously 

Guess your mind is a shield after all

My body fights

My body fights to survive 

But my mind breaths it’s last breath

My body fights to make me love it fully and endless 

But my mind refuses like a rotten student 

My body wants to be loved

My mind wants to die

My mind kills my body with not eating

My body fights back with starving

My mind kills my body with vomiting

My body fights back with stopping

My mind kills my body with cutting

My body fights back with blood

My mind kills my body with thoughts

My body fights back with tears 

My mind kills my body with wounds 

My body screams help 

My mind makes me thinner and thinner

My body screams wait 

My mind laughs in it’s victory to make death it’s bride 

My body screams no please no

My mind vomits all the rotten words 

My body screams no just love me please just love me 

My mind breaths it’s last breath 

My body is sound a sleep

Game over

I feel high when I cut

Like it’s kisses from death

And I am sinning

The burn is like thrust

On a desert 

I am only showing the scars of my soul

It’s like a beautiful face

You don’t forget it

The relief it reminds me I am alive 

Even when death is close by

Blood it drips a tattoo On my heart

Thighs wrists the voices were right

It’s like a broken melody

Empty tablet bottle

Will say good bye tonight

Cut a little deeper

Bleed a little more

You are my beautiful addiction 

My vixen my bride

Say to good bye I say hello

Game over

What I want

I want a poetry guy it’s so beautiful when they write or at least one who appreciates the beauty of words I can create I want someone who realises how beautiful words can be they caress your soul like a human being 

I want someone who sees the sparkle in my eyes and passion in my heart 

I want someone who can’t kiss someone without thinking about me

I want someone who sees my worst sees what a disaster of a bomb I can be but still want to see me

I want someone who makes creations with their hands and admires my work at my own hands

I want someone who sees a future in my eyes and brilliance in my soul

I want someone who doesn’t complete me cause I don’t need completion I need someone who makes me greater stronger and wiser and a tiny bit smarter

I want someone whose the inspiration behind my poetry I want someone who makes my mouth widen and teeth shown in a laugh 

I want someone who goes to church and sees the beauty in God that I do

I want someone who reads and fills their minds with the beauty that is words 

I wanna caress their body with my words and leave an imprint in their soul 

I wanna bath them in roses and keep them close to my heart like my teddy 

I want someone to love fully and amazingly someone who I can show the future to